Our growing family

I’m so excited to be sharing this post with you! 

** Trigger warning; talk of miscarriage **

As you know if you follow my Instagram, we’re expecting our second child in March 2019! 

I want to share what’s been going on in the last 6 months. Back in April of this year, we found out I was pregnant! Nervous, happy, excited and scared. It was a tough pregnancy from the beginning, Now when I say tough I don’t mean I was experiencing morning sickness or nausea,  I had been cramping and bleeding since I was about 4 weeks along. We had an early ultrasound and the tech couldn’t see anything wrong with baby, good news right!?

Over the next three weeks, now 7 weeks along, I was still having cramps and quite a bit of bleeding. Fast forward a week and a half, now 8.5 weeks along, I was laying on the couch crying and screaming in pain. Later that day I had gone into the washroom and noticed something weird. I had miscarried. I had passed the baby, it was traumatizing to say the least.

I wasn’t okay, mentally I had felt like a failure, why couldn’t my body keep this baby healthy inside? Was it because I had been eating wrong? Was it because I had gone to the gym the night before? No. The fetus was not viable from the beginning, and that took me a while to understand and accept.

“It’s not even a baby yet, so you shouldn’t be too upset.” Someone had said this to me only a couple of days after we lost it. To me, it was already a baby. It had arms and legs, a heartbeat and a brain. I had a connection to it already, I had been growing it inside my body for weeks. No matter how far along I was, it was still a loss. 

Fast forward another couple of weeks, I had tested positive on another pregnancy test. I had thought maybe it was positive because the HCG was still in my body from before the miscarriage.  I had to take some tests to see if the HCG levels increased or decreased to find out if I was pregnant again or not. 

I was, in fact, pregnant again! Since we had such a scary experience with the last pregnancy, I was terrified we would lose this baby as well. I kept calling my doctor to make appointments and make sure everything was okay. At the start of this pregnancy I had a little bit of bleeding, instant tears rolled down my face thinking I had once again had a non-viable fetus. 

Since the beginning of this pregnancy I have been feeling so nervous we would lose our little rainbow baby. Now I am 17 weeks along and baby is doing really well. We are so excited to give our little Benjamin a sweet little brother or sister in the new year. 

Most miscarriages happen when the unborn baby has fatal genetic problems. Usually, these problems are unrelated to the mother.

Miscarriage affects 15-25% of women that know they are pregnant and about 50% of women that don’t even know. I know so many women that have gone through what I am going through, some handle it better and some handle it worse. I’m so lucky that we found out early enough. I pray for the women that are currently going through this, women that have previously gone through this and women in the future that will go through this. Infant loss is never an easy thing. 

Miscarriages are normal, although they are not a very fun experience, it was one that had made me stronger and appreciate the time I have with my family and friends. I hope this post helps someone or educates on the topic of baby loss. I am always here to talk if anyone needs it, no matter the story, if you are struggling, please reach out to me. 

Thank you all for reading

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2 thoughts on “Our growing family

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that! I think that comment was insensitive because once you learn you’re pregnant you already have a connection with the fetus/baby and have already started planning and preparing. I know people who’ve miscarried and it really is traumatizing. I’m happy for you that things are going well. Prayers for a healthy pregnancy girl

  2. I’m sorry to hear about your loss, but it’s also super great that you’re able to talk about it and share your experience. It can be super helpful for people who feel they gotta struggle in silence.

    On a lighter note, I’m super excited to meet the little sweetie when they’re here!

    Lots of love ❤❤❤

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